LOST

It's has been a long time I logged in into my blogger.
Everytime I'm not in a good mood, I will come back here.
Perhaps it's not a good act, I should record my happy life not my sad life.
But I will only got the mood to update my blog when I'm being sad.
At least this is a good place for me to express my sadness.

I'm the eldest in my family.
As I grew up, I understand the responsibility of being the eldest sister.
And throughout these time, I play my role well.
I do all these not to get any compliments from others, because I know these are my responsibility.

I don't understand why did you scold me that day,
till now my tears still drop everytime whenever I think about it.

I don't know what should I do or what should I not do.
I doubt myself.

Perhaps there are still many things I need to learn,
One more month, and I will fly to a new place and begin my life all over again.
This is really a good timing for me to rearrange my thoughts and mood.
I hope I could find myself in one year time.

Do not give up.

exhaustion

No matter how hard I try,
You'll never satisfy.



I feel so tired to deal with you.



Let the time proves everything.

Stay strong my dear.

exam week

1月7号

我的Year 1 Semester 1的第一科考试

就在今天

考的科目是德文

我本来以为还算可以handle的

怎么知道在考试的前一天

才拿到老师send给我们的

trial exam paper

我只能说

WTH

=.=

两篇comprehension

没有用translator根本就看不懂

它到底在说啥

！！！

正式考试的那天

12点多到学校

买了午餐

和朋友一起复习一下

2点考试

我们全部都想睡觉

就连在考试的时候

也很想睡觉

我们很怀疑

食堂的食物是不是加了sleeping pills 

=.=

考试很难

很多答案不确定

叫我们matching the words with the same meaning

hello? 左边和右边的字全都是德文

而且没有在课本上看过的

会match的话我真的太神了

这个星期考过了德文

下星期就要考

Cognitive Psychology & Social Psychology

虽然说两份考卷都是MCQ

no negative marking

但是还是很多东西要念

对着notes看了很久

可是头脑却装不进

明明应该对着notes

可是我现在却对着电脑

在写blog

心里的天使告诉我这个时候应该要努力念书

死到临头了

下个星期就要考试了！

心里的恶魔告诉我

下个星期一才考试

还有很多时间

而且全部MCQ + no negative marking

不用怕不用怕

最终，

我被恶魔conquer了

跑到这里写blog

不知道是不是太久没有写blog了

也太久没有用华语了

感觉这篇blog post

很语无伦次

乱七八糟

哈哈哈

好了

我在努力的说服自己

现在关电脑去念书

念书念书念书念书念书念书念书念书

念书念书念书念书念书念书念书念书

念书念书念书念书念书念书念书念书

念书念书念书念书念书念书念书念书

回顾2012

我真的好久好久没有写blog了

每次想写可是却提不起劲

趁今天有mood

就来update一下吧

虽然标题是说回顾2012

可是其实我想不到什么特别的东西好回顾的

-.-

我的生活

一直都很平淡

上课，赶assignments，考试，放假

就这样一直地重复着

如果硬要提一些比较特别的事

那大概就是：

1. Foundation顺利完成

2. 6月第一次和大学的朋友搭夜班火车去槟城

（其实我到现在都还很想念那时吃喝玩乐的日子）

3. 正式结束远距离恋爱

（他顺利毕业回来啦！）

4. 9月开始正式上degree

5. Piano Diploma 及格了！

大概就只有这些吧！

在这一年里

其实我觉得自己有很大的改变

尤其是自己的性格

其实我很不喜欢这样的自己

真的...

这一年真的辛苦了你

我知道你为了我付出很多

受了很多苦

可是我却每次对你那么坏

真的很对不起...

这一年里

情绪的起起伏伏太大了

这一年里

我很不喜欢这样的自己

这一年里

已经不会自我调整自己

希望新的一年

一切顺顺利利

也希望在新的一年

重新找回自己

保持初衷

维持热情

老天爷

你听见我的祷告了吗？

希望从今开始

一切都会变得很美好

:)

Dream

"Dream"

I don't really know how to define 

the meaning of this word in my dictionary.

Perhaps it can be defined as something unrealistic,

or just something fantasy 

that you are not able to reach in real life.

I used to dream to become a dancer.

I started to dance when I was in kindergarten. 

and I got the second prize of something like

 national kindergarten dance competition. haha!

Then, I joined dance club when I was standard 2 in primary school,

and I danced until I graduated from secondary school.

My last dance performance was last year,

Hari Kebudayaan of Yu Hua.

I really miss my dance life so so much!

Although it was tough and hard during training,

there are still the best memories during my high school life.

However, I stopped to dance after I had graduated. 

At some moment, I wish I can get a Diploma in Dance by studying at ASWARA.

But soon I realized that there's a way too far for me to achieve. 

My parents wouldn't allow me to become a full-time dancer,

and waste 3 years time to complete a diploma in dance.

The reason are just simple.

"You can't be a dancer for your entire life. 

What're you going to do when you get old?"

"You couldn't earn money from dance. Do you ever think about your future?"

Of course, I know the life of a dancer is short.

If I'm really insist on becoming a dancer,

I know I will definitely let my parents down.

Just like every parents,

My parents expect me to further my study at university,

work hard to get a good degree,

and find a good job.

So, this dream is just hiding in the deepest of my heart.

As you grown up,

there are more responsibility that you need to carry on your shoulders.

When there are more responsibility,

then more restrictions come into your life.

Now I understand why are people always miss their childhood 

and do not want to grow up.

Nonetheless, I'm still very satisfied with my life now.

I enrolled to a nice university and chose my interested course.

I live in a family which full of love and caring,

I got best friends who brighten up my life,

and I got a boy who always stay beside me.

However, if I could get another chance,

I wish I could have more courage 

to chase after what I really want.

Holiday so what?

Oh yea I'm having my 4 months long sem break.
I'm having such a long holiday,
SO WHAT?!
I'm not as free as you thought though.

Why do I have such a long holiday? 
Don't ask me! ask Nottingham or ask England!

Holiday so what?!
I need to fetch my bro & sis to tuition every single day.
I have to fetch my grandma to market for daily necessities. 

I have to go Pos Office, this bank and that bank blah blah blah bank 
to pay for the bills every months.
I have to do dad's office work,
which he brings home for me because he thought I'm very free wasting my time at home, and he thinks that I should learn something instead of doing nothing at home. -.-
I have to prepare for my piano diploma exam.
practice my pieces everyday,
practice the sight reading everyday
because my sight reading sucks.
I have to prepare program notes 
which are the analysis of every pieces I played.
and the exam falls on November but I'm only got 30% prepared.

I get to bed late every night and wake up slightly late the next day,
the slightly late which means 10am.
it's my daily routine, that's none of your business.
You don't need to remind me about waking up late is not so good everytime in front of me or others people.

What I said the above isn't telling everyone
about the greatness or hugeness of me.
I know all these are my responsibility as the eldest in the home.
I know that and I feel pleasure to do all these things actually.
I feel happy and pleasure to do something for my home 
to reduce my parents' burden as they have to work hard everyday for us.

But when you come to doubt me about how's my time spending during this holiday,
and thought I'm always free and doing nothing and wasting my time all the day long in my home,
It's really pissing me off!

Anyway, it's just a simple post to release my hard feeling.
I know the word "responsibility" very well,
and I will try my best to achieve the meaning of this word.
but when I'm doing what I suppose to do,
please just keep quiet and say nothing!

Recently

It's has been months that I didn't update my blog.

No doubts,

holidays make people lazy.

and I am seriously a very very lazy bum during holidays.

Very soon, 2 months holiday gone.

Although I started my foundation earlier than many friends,

I am the last one who go for degree.

Phewwww... no choice.

Nottingham's holiday is tooooo long.

I done my last subject on 31 May.

and I will start my undergraduate course on 24 September!

I have 2 more months to... play? haha!

3rd of June,

I went Penang with my Uni friends.

YinYin, Eeleen, Bernadette, SzeKei, JunKai, ZiHao, Eluan,YongLin, QinJian

We went Penang by train at the midnight and reached at 6am.

I definitely enjoy the trip with them!

Thanks for the Penang Langs :

JunKai, ZiHao, QinJian

Thank you for bringing us around!

You guys are really a pro guides!

In the end of June,

the boy is finally graduated and came back Malaysia!

We spent our first week by going around KL area

and tasted a lot of Taiwan style drinks. #doing survey

then, we spent our second week by going pasar malam.

we went pasar malam every night. #doing survey again

The boy is moving to another life stage.

There are many obstacles for him since he graduated.

Sincerely hope that everything will be fine soon.

Although there is too much things I can't help,

I will always support you no matter what!

:)

I need to work hard to keep fit!!