Dream

"Dream"

I don't really know how to define 

the meaning of this word in my dictionary.

Perhaps it can be defined as something unrealistic,

or just something fantasy 

that you are not able to reach in real life.

I used to dream to become a dancer.

I started to dance when I was in kindergarten. 

and I got the second prize of something like

 national kindergarten dance competition. haha!

Then, I joined dance club when I was standard 2 in primary school,

and I danced until I graduated from secondary school.

My last dance performance was last year,

Hari Kebudayaan of Yu Hua.

I really miss my dance life so so much!

Although it was tough and hard during training,

there are still the best memories during my high school life.

However, I stopped to dance after I had graduated. 

At some moment, I wish I can get a Diploma in Dance by studying at ASWARA.

But soon I realized that there's a way too far for me to achieve. 

My parents wouldn't allow me to become a full-time dancer,

and waste 3 years time to complete a diploma in dance.

The reason are just simple.

"You can't be a dancer for your entire life. 

What're you going to do when you get old?"

"You couldn't earn money from dance. Do you ever think about your future?"

Of course, I know the life of a dancer is short.

If I'm really insist on becoming a dancer,

I know I will definitely let my parents down.

Just like every parents,

My parents expect me to further my study at university,

work hard to get a good degree,

and find a good job.

So, this dream is just hiding in the deepest of my heart.

As you grown up,

there are more responsibility that you need to carry on your shoulders.

When there are more responsibility,

then more restrictions come into your life.

Now I understand why are people always miss their childhood 

and do not want to grow up.

Nonetheless, I'm still very satisfied with my life now.

I enrolled to a nice university and chose my interested course.

I live in a family which full of love and caring,

I got best friends who brighten up my life,

and I got a boy who always stay beside me.

However, if I could get another chance,

I wish I could have more courage 

to chase after what I really want.

Holiday so what?

Oh yea I'm having my 4 months long sem break.
I'm having such a long holiday,
SO WHAT?!
I'm not as free as you thought though.

Why do I have such a long holiday? 
Don't ask me! ask Nottingham or ask England!

Holiday so what?!
I need to fetch my bro & sis to tuition every single day.
I have to fetch my grandma to market for daily necessities. 

I have to go Pos Office, this bank and that bank blah blah blah bank 
to pay for the bills every months.
I have to do dad's office work,
which he brings home for me because he thought I'm very free wasting my time at home, and he thinks that I should learn something instead of doing nothing at home. -.-
I have to prepare for my piano diploma exam.
practice my pieces everyday,
practice the sight reading everyday
because my sight reading sucks.
I have to prepare program notes 
which are the analysis of every pieces I played.
and the exam falls on November but I'm only got 30% prepared.

I get to bed late every night and wake up slightly late the next day,
the slightly late which means 10am.
it's my daily routine, that's none of your business.
You don't need to remind me about waking up late is not so good everytime in front of me or others people.

What I said the above isn't telling everyone
about the greatness or hugeness of me.
I know all these are my responsibility as the eldest in the home.
I know that and I feel pleasure to do all these things actually.
I feel happy and pleasure to do something for my home 
to reduce my parents' burden as they have to work hard everyday for us.

But when you come to doubt me about how's my time spending during this holiday,
and thought I'm always free and doing nothing and wasting my time all the day long in my home,
It's really pissing me off!

Anyway, it's just a simple post to release my hard feeling.
I know the word "responsibility" very well,
and I will try my best to achieve the meaning of this word.
but when I'm doing what I suppose to do,
please just keep quiet and say nothing!